She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
