Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
