Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
