No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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