Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
