My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize