I want to make a zoo with you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
