we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
