We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize