I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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