pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
