She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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