Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
