he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
