Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm passing your future prison.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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