i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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