After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize