i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
