You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
