Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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