get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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