so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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