is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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