Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I want to have your abortion
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
