He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
