dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize