You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
