What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
