you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
