38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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