i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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