she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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