I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
