i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it's great music for shaving your balls
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
