i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
