how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize