Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
