I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
