Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
420 ftw
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Randomize
