I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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