Farmville is her only friend.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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