Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize