fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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