i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
