I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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