No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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