I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
