Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You ruined the universe
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
