He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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