Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I did not marry a roomba.
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