fuck your aforementioned shoe
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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