i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
