I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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