Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize