The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Come see our sink grown plant.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
