i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
