I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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