That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
