You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
