maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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