I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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