his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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