Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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