I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
