Ambien. No doubt about it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
