im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
