Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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