the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
only you would photoshop your dick
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Randomize
